Yorke Peninsula artist Ella Boylan on tragedy and motherhood
A special mother-daughter bond has guided artist Ella Boylan through the heartache of losing two loved ones in separate tragedies.
It was a day that started like any other, but one that would change Ella Boylan’s life forever.
Her husband Jay rose early, kissed Ella and their 10-month-old daughter Valli goodbye and left their Elliston home for a day’s work on his Eyre Peninsula farm. “As he walked out of the bedroom, he turned back and smiled at us,” Ella recalls of that day seven years ago.
“That was the last time I saw him.”
Later that morning, Ella received a knock at the door. Standing there was one of Jay’s close friends, a local nurse, who delivered the devastating news that Jay had died in a motorbike accident while working on the farm: “It’s Jay. He’s gone.”
The words shattered Ella’s world in an instant. “His face said it all. The ground felt like it opened beneath me.” Ella was 26 years old at the time, Jay was 28.
“Anyone who experiences loss understands; you physically feel your heart break. Life stops still.”
Chatting to SALIFE in her Port Lincoln studio, Ella explains that the grief of that day in 2019 has never gone away, but has become something she’s learned to live with.
However, losing Jay wasn’t the first time tragedy had reshaped the artist’s life.
Ella had an idyllic rural upbringing on her family’s farm outside of Wudinna, a remote town 300 kilometres west of Port Augusta.
Ella reflects fondly of her memories knocking about on the farm with her older brother Luke and younger brother Cody. The family would holiday at Venus Bay, waterskiing together every summer. “We were rarely inside,” she recalls.
“Usually, Mum had to call us back to the house when it was getting dark and dinner was on the table. Looking back now, we were gifted the perfect amount of freedom. We were allowed to make mistakes, solve our own problems and have fun along the way,” she says.
But in 2012, Ella’s eldest sibling, Luke, died in a boating accident. Luke was 22 and Ella was 19. “Luke was one of the most important people in my life – we had been companions from birth. My brothers and I spent most of our summer holidays on the water together,” she says.
Despite this early experience with grief, nothing could prepare Ella for losing Jay.
“Childhood sweethearts” Ella and Jay met when they were teenagers, playing footy and netball on the Eyre Peninsula. They married, moved to Elliston and set about making plans for their future.
“Our future was mapped out. We were going to move out to the farm, raise a beautiful bunch of west coast kids and grow old and wrinkly together,” Ella says.
Ella was overjoyed when she and Jay welcomed their daughter Valli. But when tragedy struck a second time, out of the blue, it seemed cruel.
“When I think about myself then, I feel sad for her. I wish I could give her a hug and tell her, ‘It’s going to be hard, but you’re going to get through it’.
“One of the hardest things about losing Jay was having to let go of all those dreams and plans we had. I know how devastated Jay would have been to leave us behind; he had everything to live for.”
While coping with her own grief, Ella needed to show up every day for 10-month-old Valli. But Valli turned out to be Ella’s silver lining.
“I think the reason Valli came along was to keep me going; she was my motivator.”
“My focus was always on making her world as bright as possible. For her childhood not to be robbed from her. She’s feeling the grief years later and I’m an open book about her dad. We talk about him every day, we have photos everywhere, and we keep him alive in our minds, any way we can.”
“Valli and I share a very special bond. I am so proud of the person she is; kind, creative and full of life. She is my guiding light.
“She’s had her ups and downs. For her, it’s knowing he existed but not having any memories to hold on to. All we can do is share with her everything we know about him.
“I hope that she lives a full life, embraces adventure and, most importantly, is happy.”
Therapy, exercise and healthy habits – and the support of family and friends – helped Ella to peel back her own layers of grief.
“I don’t think you are ever ready for loss. The grief isn’t something that has gone away, it is something you learn to live with.
“Losing the person who knew me better than anyone else made me feel like a stranger in the world around me. While I was surrounded with people, it took a long time to not feel a deep sense of loneliness without Jay.
“Having something to look forward to, even something as simple as a walk with a friend or spending an afternoon painting, didn’t result in suppressing my feelings, but allowed me to move with them. It stopped me from getting stuck in the deepest parts of grief.
“Losing the two most important people in your life changes you and, while I would do anything to have them back, there are certainly gifts in going through a big loss like that.
“These days, more often than not, I can think about Luke and Jay and smile instead of cry.”
And through it all, art has been her anchor.
Subscribe for updates
“After big life events, I always come back to art – it allows me to process my emotions,” she says.
“It helps me externalise my inner world. The paintings I created while grieving were never intended to be seen by anyone else. The value was in the process itself – a coping method.
“Today, if I go too long without painting, I start to feel unsettled. It usually takes me a while to realise why, and then it hits me: I haven’t painted. It makes me feel normal again and brings me back into my body.”
Ella was creative from an early age but never thought she could make a career out of art. Instead, she became a schoolteacher, painting as a hobby on the side. In 2020, she had enough commissioned work to step away from teaching to work as an artist full-time.
“It felt like a big move to step away from teaching. I had always thought art would be a hobby.”
Ella developed a speciality for landscapes, drawing on her love of the rugged Eyre Peninsula. Her exhibitions often embrace a particular South Australian region, and each new body of work sees her practice evolve.
Despite her ongoing experience with grief, Ella has developed a maturity in her work where she does not let it define her artistic practice.
From a sunset glow over the Pilbara to wild horses and ghost gums against the red earth of the outback, Ella’s landscapes invite viewers to connect with their own nostalgic memories and sense of place.
It’s only in the names of her paintings that give a clue to the inner workings of an artist who has been through enough grief to last two lifetimes, from Awakening to Silver Lining, Shine On and Finding My Way.
“Often, people tell me the paintings remind them of their own memories and experiences in that place. That’s exactly what I want. I don’t want viewers thinking about my story; I want them connecting with their own,” she says.
“I like to leave the painting in the painting. I don’t want to influence how someone interprets it.”
Despite this, Ella’s love of the bush and the coast is inherently woven into each piece. “The Eyre Peninsula is home. It’s where I feel most grounded and where I feel I belong. It feels natural to paint places that bring me peace or stir memories,” she says.
Four years ago, Ella brought a new partner into her life – Steve, a local paramedic. Ella says bringing someone new into Valli’s life was met with a mix of annoyance at having to share her mother with someone else, and excitement about having a new person around.
“For a long time, I didn’t think I would ever be ready for another relationship. But years passed, and I did a lot of work on myself. Valli and I are incredibly fortunate to have found someone with the emotional maturity to navigate our story with compassion and understanding,” she says.
“I have and always will love Jay deeply. I felt it might be hard for Steve, knowing that love. But both loves can be true at the same time.
“They say things happen when you least expect them, and that’s exactly what happened. Life has a way of leading you down unexpected roads.”
The couple has recently fallen pregnant through IVF – “a miracle” – and they have recently moved from their Port Lincoln home to a 20-hectare property in the nearby bush. Ella hopes to give her children an upbringing like she had.
“The Eyre Peninsula is one of the best places you can bring up kids. I will miss my great home studio here in Port Lincoln, but we will build a new one,” she says.
While she’s currently focusing on her pregnancy and building her new studio, Ella’s brushes won’t stay dry for long. She has plenty of projects on the go with an exhibition at Robe’s Karatta Wines Gallery in November and an artist residency in Tasmania in September.
“Even a long life is a short amount of time to do all the things you wish to. So now, if I want to do something, I don’t muck around – I just give it a go,” she says.
While the grief has never gone away, Ella does not let it define the way she lives, just as it does not define her art.
“Tomorrow isn’t promised. We are always saying yes to life and whenever life feels busy or overwhelming, I remind myself that I won’t die wondering what could have been,” she says.
“I’m comfortable in who I am as a person, which is a gift. I feel like I haven’t had to spend my whole life working it out.
“Living with that mindset, and making sure I enjoy the journey, feels like the closest thing to a life well lived.”
Want to see more stories from InDaily SA in your Google search results?
- Click here to set InDaily SA as a preferred source.
- Tick the box next to "InDaily SA". That's it.
