The best jokes from the 2024 Edinburgh Fringe Festival
Each year, the public votes on the funniest one-liners and jokes chosen by an expert panel of critics at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival – and the results are in.
Aug 22, 2024, updated May 20, 2025
Olga Koch is the star of Mock The Week, QI, Late Night Mash, Frankie Boyle’s New World Order and an Edinburgh Best Newcomer nominee. Photo: supplied
The Edinburgh Fringe Festival is the world’s largest performance arts festival, with nearly 60,000 performers across 25 days and over 300 venues (yep, Adelaide’s coming for you Edinburgh).
It is an annual pilgrimage for the world’s best comedians, including many Australians.
We’re sure the Adelaide Fringe lineup can do better than this:
- Mark Simmons “I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship, but I bottled it.”
- Alec Snook “I’ve been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don’t feel like I’m progressing. It’s just one step forward, two steps back.”
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- Alex Kitsonv “Ate horse at a restaurant once: Wasn’t great. Starter was all right, but the mane was dreadful.”
- Arthur Smith “I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it.”
- Mark Simmons “I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton … well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it.”
- Olaf Falafel “My dad used to say to me ‘pints, gallons, litres’, which, I think, speaks volumes.”
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- Chelsea Birkby “British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery, but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons?”
- Masai Graham “I wanted to know which came first, the chicken or the egg, so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I’ve cracked it.”
- Zoë Coombs Marr “My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had.”
- Olaf Falafel “The conspiracy theory about the Moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati.”
- Sarah Keyworth “I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person: My pronouns are there there.”
- Roger Swift “I’ve got a girlfriend who never stops whining. I wish I’d never bought her that vineyard.”
- Lou Wall “Gay people are very bad at maths. We don’t naturally multiply.”
- Sophie Duker “Keir Starmer looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher.”
- Olga Koch “Growing up rich is a hereditary condition: It affects 1 per cent of people.”
– TND
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