The Outsider: Probing the election campaign
The Outsider’s campaign diary today offers advice for increasing your sex appeal, ponders who is live-streaming FIVEaa breakfasts in Baghdad, and considers a Hippocratic oath for politicians.
Sexy is as sexy does
Not to be distracted by trivial issues such as mental health, Indigenous disadvantage, readying the economy for the end of the mining boom, or the education of our children, the federal election campaign is pondering this eternal question: how do I boost my sex appeal?
Opposition Leader Tony Abbott has described Liberal candidate for Lindsay in NSW, Fiona Scott as “feisty”, with “a bit of sex appeal”.
Naturally, all debates must end until we pick this to pieces, and The Outsider is happy to assist.
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The issue is not whether Fiona Scott really does have sex appeal, but about the sorry state of the rest of the candidates. What can they do to boost theirs?
Fortunately, the Interweb has some advice, including this useful Wikihow article (the keys are maintaining a little mystery, exuding confidence, keeping a full calendar and staying “aloof from pettiness”, which probably means most of the Australian media just lost what little shred of sex appeal they might have once claimed).
“Australian politics” and “sex appeal” are not two concepts that go together naturally, with the noted exception of Paul Keating, whose alleged sexiness was discussed publicly and without outrage on many occasions.
Take this excerpt from the 1998 book, Too Soon Too Late: History in Popular Culture, by gender studies academic Meaghan Morris:
“There’s an S&M glow about Keating’s image as Treasurer. Australians spent the 1980s laughing about the ‘sex appeal’ of Mrs Thatcher, and at infantile English obsessions with schoolmarms, knickers, and canes, but in the image of this tall, dark, saturnine man there was something, not similar (no elocution lessons for Keating), but comparable – a ‘Mr Murdstone’ factor, with a softening, comic-romantic touch of Frank Langella’s Dracula”.
Five double Afghanistan
Are people in the bazaars of Baghdad and the dangerous back blocks of Afghanistan live streaming Keith Conlon and Jane Reilly?
Or does the Federal Government seriously believe that newcomers to South Australia are a key audience of the FIVEaa breakfast program at 6.15am?
Stay informed, daily
This morning the Government’s shameless ad campaign pushing its Papua New Guinea asylum seeker “solution” made an appearance on the commercial talk station. The ad appeals to listeners to tell their friends and family about the Government’s tough new stance.
Knowing FIVEaa’s demographics, if the ad worked then we could expect a spike in phone calls this morning to Victor Harbor, Dubbo and Surfer’s Paradise.
Buddy watch
Yesterday we reported on the Palmer United Party’s candidate in Corangamite, Buddy Rojek, and his plans for an election night party for any volunteers who help him on election day.
The party, which he promises will include hot models, will go from 6pm to 10pm (“That’s four hours!”).
But Buddy is getting down. No-one has yet volunteered.
On his Twitter account (which The Outsider still views suspiciously), Buddy has expressed his frustration.
This from this morning: “Getting no interest from civic minded volunteers despite putting on a fantastic party for them . Thinking of cancelling party . Why bother”.
In other news on Twitter, he has a go at the whole of the USA for not living up to its Christian beliefs. They are, according to Buddy, a bunch of “Hippocrates!!!!”
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